Kids...& Mr Bean

Since I'm so stressed up the past few days, thought I'd make myself happy by reading some jokes, comics and anythin about humour. I had picked up a few and thought post it in my blog to share with my frens.

Teacher Teaching Good Manners

During class, a teacher was trying to teach good manners.

The teacher asks the students:
Teacher: "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go piss.
Teacher: " That would be rude and impolite!!!

Teacher: "What about you John,how would you say it?"
John: " I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher: " That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table.
And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"

Peter: " I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after our dinner."...duh

Dead Cat

A Kindergarten pupil told his teacher that he had found a dead cat.

The teacher asked the pupil: "How do you know that the cat was dead?"
The pupil answered" Because I pissed in its ear and it didnt move"
"You did WHAT?!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Psst!' and it didnt move."

Mischief Boy

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to go to Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and replied:"Well, I'll run in and out and keep slamming the door until Saint Peter says, 'For heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

Never Jump the Gun

A Woman wanted to call her husband on his handphone but discovered that the battery on her handphone was dead.

So she instructed her young son to use his phoe to pass an urgent message to his daddy. After junior called, he told his mummy that a woman had picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried calling.

Angry and furious, she waited impatiently for her husband to return from work, and, upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. And then another, for good measure.

People in the neighbourhood saw the commotion and came out to see what would develop further.

Noticing the gathering of neighbours, the angry woman asked her son to tell everybody what the woman on the phone had said to him when he called.

Junior said: "The Woman's voice said, "The subscriber you have dialled is not available at the moment. Please try again later."

George Washington

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped his father's cherry tree but also admitted it. Why didnt his father punish him?

Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Composition

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. How come?
Clyde: Because we share the same dog?

What say u?

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher.

Fun With Mr Bean

Brain Tumor

Doctor: You have a brain tumor

Mr Bean: Yes!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr Bean: I have a brain!


In Primary School

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr Bean: Ah, you are trying to fool me, by reversing the numbers eh? The answers is 6!


In A Drug Store

Mr Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A,B or C?
Mr Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesnt know the alphabet yet.

An An ATM Machine

Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr Bean:I know your PIN number.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN number if you saw it?
Mr Bean: Four asterisks (****)!